“We are so different,” “We married so young,” “I don’t even know myself” These are all statements we hear from individuals and couples who are in desperate places in their marriages. They feel like they have changed so much that they don’t even know their spouse anymore.
What is happening? Is the 7-year itch a real thing? How can marriages last as couples both grow? We take a hard look at this crazy dynamic and give some ideas on how your marriage can survive the 7-year itch! Hint it isn’t about 7 years. It is about finding growth and change in your marriage, not outside of it! Let’s work on building up ourselves and our spouses so that they will find new hobbies, not new spouses!
How have you managed to grow in your marriage that has helped you avoid the 7-year itch?
Have you been impacted by this issue in your marriage? Looking back, what would you do differently?
Let us know in the comments!
3 Responses
Like with the emotional intimacy conversation, I missed the part where one can effectively encourage their spouse to engage in drawing closer instead of leaving the marriage.
It was 20 years ago when my ex-wife gave me the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you…” line followed by “I’m going out to find myself.”
It’s been my experience that this is usually code for I’m going out to find myself in the bed of another man. I experienced this with both a serious girlfriend in college as well as from my now ex-wife.
So those words, or words similar to them come across as red flags.
Years before those words, I’d invite my ex-wife to share with me what the perfect date, life, experience whatever would be.
Nothing.
Even an invite to spend an hour a day with just the two of us, no TV, no kids, etc was not accepted.
I continued into my hobbies as pursuit didn’t work, so perhaps leaving space and living a life with hobbies and friends.
Instead, just more distance. Invitations to counseling were also disregarded.
I wasn’t a married young guy as I was weeks away from being 31 when I married.
Of course, when she had her affair and filed for divorce, the only question our pastor had for me was what did I do to force her to have an affair.
I was miserable. I suspect she was as well. Only when I asked, she would say things are fine.
Can’t fix things if your partner cannot or will not be honest about them.
What got my attention was this was in year 7 of our marriage. So to me, the 7 year itch seems to be a very real thing.
Hi Tony, thanks again for sharing of your story. I am sorry that your pastor (s) chose to treat you in that manner. It is heartbreaking that your wife was not interested in moving towards you. You are right in that you cannot make your spouse do anything. I hope and pray that you are healing from all of this and that the peace that Jesus promises is ever present.